Ian Curtis' line, “I was foolish to ask for so much” in 'Passover' from Joy Division's album, Closer, is a reference to the mythical security that social norms provide and not a reference to fame. His personal status, his love for music and the context of the following lines in the song and all support this interpretation.
First, Ian's social status when he wrote these lyrics evidence his desire to be an outsider. He was in his early 20s, an age which can often reject social norms as the financial and social pressures of independence from one's family mount. More importantly, he majored in English in college and he would have been familiar with postmodernist and deconstructionist theories which dissect social norms. Finally, he had a bureaucratic job but preferred band life. Not only did it offer opportunities to express himself creatively, it raised his sexual desirability as an individual stronger than social norms. It would be a reasonable expectation for a young man in his situation to want to reject societal expectations.
Secondly, his love for music was not Ian's problem. But for the epilepsy, it was not foolish to ask for fame and success. His desires weren't to be an ordinary bureaucrat, but to be healthy again.
Finally, the lyrics address his struggle as an outsider to social conventions available to mentally healthy people, not his solution to the struggle. The line 'I was foolish to ask for so much' could indicate that the desire to be a success in the band was the foolish request, but then the following two lines do not make sense. The lines state that his success falls apart at first touch 'without the protection and infancy's guard'. We cannot tell what protection or why infancy's guard would ensure his success, or at least protect him from falling apart.
However, if read that he wanted to be free of social norms and expectations, the following lines are very coherent. Social expectations give society a level of certainty that does not actually exist. With his epilepsy, Ian could never be assured, even with medication, that he could walk from one point to another without a life-threatening seizure occurring. This persistent anxiety that society represses in order to function was an unanticipated cost of separating himself from 'normal' society.
The phrase “infancy's guard” refers to children learning to walk. In infancy, before society expects a child to walk, bodies are more flexible and prepared for falls. Also society through parents, siblings and relatives, provides training, encouragement, support and safety measures for infants learning to walk. The guard of infancy is the additional attention society provides when the outsider to 'normal' is created by inexperience as a newcomer.
Yet anyone can fall at anytime.The phrase 'without the protection' refers to society's ability to repress this existential angst. It is not just any protection, it is “the” protection. Society masks this by keeping disabled people as outsiders. People who cannot live up to the expectation of walking without falling are pushed out of sight.
What could fall apart at first touch? Ian's success was not falling apart - the social myth of certainty falls apart. It is an illusion and when you try to be certain of walking from one place to another outside of society, a person can realize, like an infant trying to steady herself, that 'at first touch' anyone can fall down.
Works Cited
Control. Dir. Anton Corbjin. Perf. Sam Riley. The Weinstein Company, 2007. DVD.
Curtis, Ian. "Passover." Rec. 30 Mar. 1980. Closer. Joy Division. Martin Hannett, 1980. YouTube. Thisisbedge, 14 Apr. 2009. Web. 20 Jan. 2010. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJjoK2vl3eU>.
